Today I had a wonderful conversation with my son-in-law about patients, about life and about situations. It made me recall one of the wonderful instructors that were on my staff when I was Director of Education and Training, Organizational Development at Barnes Medical Center in St. Louis. She was expertly prepared social worker. She developed a slide show using this poem. Her mother did the narration and she did background music with her flute as I recall.
Her name was Jean Janklow. She is one of the kindest and most sensitive individuals I have known.At the time, I was in my 40's and like some of you, felt on top of the world--Arrogant, in charge, energetic, achieving, being right, knowing my craft, and sometimes obnoxious. I was excelling both locally and nationally. I was named the top educatior/trainer in the country in healthcare by the American Hospital Association. I still have the clock to prove it. I got the best of raises, the Empolyee of the Year, and named to the best committees both at Barnes and for Association for Training and Development, American Cancer Society, and on and on.
But, some things are so humbliing that I want to share them with you.
When Jean previewed the slide show in a large auditorium with the perfection to be envied,
it was if a brick hit me upside the head. It brought me close to my own mortality. We used this for orientation for some years. I wish I could sit in that auditorium with the lights out and the words, music and meaning touching me again. Thank you Jean.
When this old woman anoys you, requires too much, dribbles or gets overwhelmed.... I want you to remmeber the years I have lived, the things I have accomplished, the loves of my life, and how much I love each of you.
An Old Lady's Poem
What do you see, nurses, what do you see?
What are you thinking when you're looking at me?
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply
When you say in a loud voice, "I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe.....
Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill....
Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse; you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am as I sit here so still,As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child of four with a grand father and mother.
Brothers and sisters, who love one another.
A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.
A bride soon at twenty four-- my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep.
At twenty-eight , I have young of my own,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.
Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead;
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I've known.
I'm now an old woman ...and nature is cruel;
'Tis jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living life over again
I think of the years ....all too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,
...Not a crabby old woman; look closer ...see ME!!
Who need me to guide and a secure happy home.
A woman of thirty, my young now grown fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last.At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man's beside me to see I don't mourn.
At fifty once more, babies play round my knee,Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead;
I look at the future, I shudder with dread.
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I've known.
'Tis jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living life over again
I think of the years ....all too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, nurses, open and see,
...Not a crabby old woman; look closer ...see ME!!
